The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

1/5 stars

Some may be wondering why I am writing this review so late after this book had its time. I did read this book years ago, but I remember the rage it gave me like it was yesterday. The rage was just reignited when I saw a TikTok with the audio of Augustus doing the whole "it's a metaphor" bit.

Let me start by saying, oh, how much I despise John Green. John Green is literally just a middle-aged dude pretending he knows how teenagers interact with one another. There are just so many laughable quotes:

1. "I fell in love with the way you fall asleep: slowly, then all at once."

2. "Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. "

3. "I'm a grenade"

4. "It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you"

5. "Because you are beautiful. I enjoy looking at beautiful people, and I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simple pleasures of existence."

On what planet would a teenage girl possibly find that attractive at all, not to mention that John Green gives Augustus the mannerisms of a newsie. Oh, I almost forgot the best two lines:

1. "My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations"

2. "Perhaps 'okay' will be our 'always'."

I'm not even going to lie, when I was younger I totally thought that was swoon-worthy and I won't act like I didn't go to Amsterdam when I was 16 purely based on the Amsterdam montage from the movie (I even listened to Boom Boom Clap by Charli XCX because tis the season). But these characters are still forever burned in my brain as being totally and unequivocally cringeworthy. John Green really puts his life and soul into being pretentious and seemingly profound and it has me dying laughing on the floor because I mistake it as satire every time.

John Greens books always center around the same two things: fake teen angst and a female protagonist with one quirk in which her whole personality centers around. AND IM SICK OF IT. I AM SICK OF EVERY SINGLE PERSON ON THIS EARTH PRAISING JOHN GREEN. THE FAULT IN OUR STARS. PAPER TOWNS. LOOKING FOR ALASKA. TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN. IVE HAD ENOUGH AND IM DONE JOHN GREEN.

In conclusion, I only claim Hank Green and his crash course videos, which were the sole reason I got through AP psychology.